UPDATE 3rd Feb 2014:
Long time no see. Several reasons for that. For once I hardly can excess dA with this connection, too huge a site. Second, no change. None at all. I was supposed to start school in october 2013 and I am still here. I am depending on government finances to be able to study, but they take a lot longer than they should be. But as far as I have heard I am not the only on. Still, without the money there is no chance for me to study. This might be my only chance and I am afraid I'll loose it. Since I am out of options there is no other way for me than to wait some more.
I cannot do anything and it is driving me nuts.
On another note, I wanna thank everyone who helped me so far to be able to get this far, be it financially or with a little pep-talk. I really don't know what to do without you. I owe all of you one.
And sorry about everyone who sent me notes or left comments. Not sure when I can get back to you. But right now things are not getting better (only thing is I managed to fix the borrowed computer for now).
-CJ, over and out
UPDATE 15th November 2013:
Shit hits the fan just at the right time.
After my computer broke down a few months ago and I got another computer borrowed by a few friends, who also try to fix my own comp, this borrowed computer decided to go all nuts on me. That was a few weeks ago, hence me not being online. So the past few days I tried to repair it, hoping it was only a software issue (no reason to believe otherwise), but by the end of my tries to repair it, I figured out it is a software and hardware issue. The HDD not-so-gracefully died on me yesterday. My friends (who know a helluva lot more about hardware than I do) try to fix my own computer, but seeing that I don't have any money, that is not that easy. So now I don't have a computer anymore, and can only hope they can fix mine within the next months. Right now I am using my sis' laptop, but I only have access to it a few hours each day and I can hardly draw on it as it were. And frankly I lack all motivation to draw right now.
Also, I already lost two months of studies and I still cannot solve the financial issue. And I cannot even get a measely job in this one horse town.
So, yeah, that's about it for now.
Not being able to draw is most likely the most painful of all things right now. :/ No matter if it's because of hardware issues or lack of motivation.
Don't expect anything of me. Right now I cannot even get a job.
-A rather depressed CJ, over and out
UPDATE 9. oct. 2013:
So, I probable should update this here (is it really a week since I made the journal?). I know some people get frustrated by my lack of update or reply (and yes Nekot-The-Brave
I do remember you). But I couldn't for a number of reasons.
For one, I got back home and we don't really have a steady internet connection.
And two I am now at my mothers, I have internet here, but no computer. Today is the first time I am able to go online.
There are also two very important reasons for my lack of update. The one is what I was talking about earlier. I am currently trying to get all the papers together I need to apply for the fund (which involves a lot of running from one place to another to get everything together).
The other reason are my girls. After four months I came back home just to have to realise that both my girls lost a lot of weight. With Dayli it is not that bad, she lost around 16 pounds but she always was on the heavy side. So she now got a goot weight. Although I don't like how fast she lost it.
My dog on the other hand is something entirely different. Spike was never overweighted and now lost around 10 pounds. I can actually feel her back and hipbone. She still is her spunky and mischievious self but I really dislike the weight loss. THe past few days I spend with taking care of them, even cooking them some additional food.
They also both display an alarmingly high level of agression.
Since both of them always have access to their dry dog food, the weight loss is not due to being not fed enough. THey just refused to eat.
Since I am back home both eat pretty well again. As far as I can see I can rule out sickness.
Mostlikely it is due to stress.
On another important note:
Thank you all for your help. Financially or otherwise. I'll keep you all in mind. And feel free to contact me about that sketch, should you be one of the people to donate. c:
I am also still taking commissions. For more information check the part below the line.
-CJ, over and out
October 2nd, 2013:
So, I came back sourly defeated.
Everything I tried failed. So far it looks as if I can completely forget about studying.
Would it be an understatement to say I am crushed? Oh god, I am missing my family, my beautiful girls so much.
Not only that, but after figuring out shit hit the fan for me, my family is in shit as well. Mother might need an operation (docs still trying to figure that one out), sis got her own problems and my dogs are not well either (nothing bad, just not well, might hopefully be just the stress) and I am stuck here with no hope or money. Also, my monitor broke down for good (using an old flatscreen I got from someone a while back) and my computer is well on its way down the same path. The only thing still working normally is my Bamboo.
Right now there is only one option left for me to get finances and involved in that is A LOT of luck. Possible a miracle.
I am starting to wonder if this is maybe not supposed to be, if some higher power decided I am worth shit and gave me the big "Fuck off!" of my life. Or if I did something wrong that everything started to fall apart. Maybe I am not meant to do this. To be entirely honest, I am lost. I never felt this lost and abandoned in my life, and I went through a whole lot of shit.
Taking a step back from my self-loathing and getting back to that one chance I mentioned earlier. This chance mostly involves luck and time. Not wanting to go too much into detail but these are government funded finances I have to apply for and there is a 50/50 chance I won't get them. But IF I get them or not I won't know for another two months or more. So, until I can with absolute certainty say I am screwed, I need to wait it out (which in any case means, if I get the finances I'll have to start in the middle of the first semester :/).
But since not only for me things suck, I need to raise some money. For several reasons.
Before I left I put the few commissions I had left on my list on hold. I will contact the commissioners as soon as possible.
I will also be open for emergency commissions again. Only small things I can finish fast. Only digital. Note me for information on prices and stuff. For a basic list of what I can do now, look here:
Commissions are open again!Edited the pricelist 2nd october 2013. For the next few months I will only offer the first few commissions (that are not stroke out) for my fund raiser so I can soon start studying. For more information, look here:
Note: All prices are in €'s. Currency converter can be found here:http://www.oanda.com/lang/de/currency/converter/ . If you live outside the EU I can ONLY accept Paypal. For EU citizens I can also accept bank transfer.
IMPORTANT: If you pay via Paypal you have to add a fee to the commission price: under 50€ it's an additional 2€, under 100€ it's an additional 4€, above 100€ it's an additional 8€.
Here's the list:
Icon commissions: A portrait sized pic in advanced cellshading or softshading
Double icon commission: Same as Icon commission, but you'll get two icons that are linked together in their design, so you can display them like on on your page/journal etc.
Payment via bank transfer possible in EU only, Paypal worldwide otherwise!
Also, I will be open for paypal donations.
Paypal info: email@example.com
Or click this convinient link to donate: www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?…
For every donation over 10USD I will draw a sketch, over 20USD will get a colored sketch. Should there actually be donations of more than 20USD the request will of course be greater proportionally to the amount of money donated.
I will also keep you all updated on my progress.
Please help me get this chance by donating, commissioning me or at least spreading the word.
-an exhausted and crushed CJ, over and out